Vinland Population Rising: Scientists Fear End of Vinland is near.

The Vinland Census has been counted and it appears that Vinland has seen some significant growth of Vinland over the past couple years. It appears that over that past three (3) years over 14 people have moved to Vinland. While Paul and Brenda Wilthammer are a nice addition to the community, their family's added weight on Vinlands limited land may have serious consequences on the whole community.

Vinland scientists claim that the added weight within the Vinland City limits may result in Vinland sinking into the middle of the earth, killing all the residents. The Wilthammers deny any of these claims and state that the entire city can't just fall into the middle of the earth. A local town hall meeting will be held this Friday night at 6:30PM to discuss what needs to be done. Residents are encouraged to attend.

Promoter leaves town, Keyboard Cat concert in doubt

Local music promoter Gene Sturbasky has gone missing in the wake of allegations that the Keyboard Cat concert Sturbasky has been promoting was a hoax. When reached for comment, Sturbasky's wife Alice had no comment, except to say "them is a bunch of lies, that darn cat is coming!"

The Keyboard Cat concert has been one of hottest tickets in town since it was announced late last year. Sturbasky's company, Hot Head Productions, has flooded the Vinland media market with ads for the concert.

Sturbasky has not been seen since last week, when Vinland television station Channel 3 WVIN ran a news piece revealing that Keyboard Cat was an internet hoax.

Vinland District Attorney Cecil Adrians said that he was looking into the matter, but said no criminal charges could be filed until the cat did not appear at the concert.

Town repairs bridge, newspaper ink shipments arrive

Officals at City Hall announced that the Nushahanick River bridge, which collapsed in a freak snowmobile incident in late Febuary, has finally been repaired. With the bridge out, critical supplies including newspaper ink became scarce in Vinland. The Vinland Valley News has been unable to print daily since the incident.

Mailman Delivers Baby; Faces Up To 15 Years

Postal Service To Review Hiring Procedures

Vinland woman faces drug charge

The scene at local pharmacy Morning Drug was a dismal one for Vinland resident Pat Ramouski after her purchase of prescription medication led to a finder's charge of $1.10 on the bottom of her credit card receipt. According to Pharmacist William "Billy" Frick, the charge is a result of a new city ordinance requiring a service fee for any kind of drug trafficking in Vinland and has been the source of a lot of public upheaval. Mayor Buttinger commented that the ordinance was constructed without identifing specific drugs and "was designed to rid the community of drug use, or turn a profit from such activities" and that the inclusion of medicinal drugs was "unintentional". Frick said this wasn't the first time someone had questioned the charge and thought it would be appropriate to re-word the ordinance to omit any reference to required medication for "obvious reasons".

Gavel breaks, trial in doubt

The trial of suspected thief Bertram S. Haggins was scheduled to conclude today until an incident in the court room delayed the procedings. Judge Bert Urgerack accidentally broke the town's only gavel when calling the court to order this morning. According to the state law, the city has one week to replace the gavel or Haggins will be set free.

According to Vinland city clerk Blanch Swingline, ordering the gavel might take 5-7 business days. This allows only a small window for the city to finish the trial on time.

Brawl brews at bowling championship, spills into parking lot

The Storm Lanes Over 45 Winter Bowling League Tournament ended in controversy last night when members of the Baptist Bashers bowling team assaulted several Storm Lanes employees and members of the Vinland Vet Office.

According to eye witnesses, the Bashers were in position to win the championship over the Vet Office if team member Bill Everly picked up a spare on his final frame. As Everly prepared to shoot the final ball, the bowling alleys signature "storm" effects were activated. The effects include loud thunder sounds, bright flashes of lightening effects, and heavy "rain" fall on the lanes.

Everyly protested that the effects were unfair, but Storm Lanes owner Sully "Storm" Schultz said that he would not turn off the effects because a bachelor party had arrived and requested the storm effects stay on.

Everly reluctantly threw his final ball, which resulted in a gutter ball. Immediately, a fight broke out between the teams. Everly made a beeline for Schultz, who ran into the parking lot. When police arrived, they found Everly and Schultz fighting with pool cues. Per the town charter involving duels and sword like apparatuses, the police allowed the fight to continue until a victor was established. Schultz won after 14 exhausting minutes, knocking Everly down with a swift upper cut.