Area women assaults men with broom

Vinland resident Mildred Bayerbeck assaulted two area men with a broom late Sunday night. Bayerbeck, 36, plead guilty to brooming in Vinland Municipal court on Monday, and will be forced to eat 5 apple pies before she is allowed to leave Vinland Jail. Like many area towns, brooming was made illegal in Vinland's 1876 town charter. The highly unusual punishment has come under fire from some critics, but Mayor John Buttinger was steadfast in his remarks, saying "Dem rules is rules."

Man To Celebrate the New Year in Automobile

Local enthusiast Biz Tinsley to attempt world record jump on New Years Eve. Tinsley is timing his jump so he will be mid-air at the stroke of midnight. He is hoping to star in both the tail end of "I Love the New Millennium" and to star the series that will undoubtedly be made on "I Love the 2010s." on the Cable Network VH1.

Beef Company issues Major Recall

Vinland Rappers Sam "Skuzz Buckettts" Bucket and Arnold "Tippy" Timmons to end feud due to recall.

Armless Bear "Binky" born at Vinland Zoo

Born without arms, "Binky the Bear" has a very unique set of features that resemble human characteristics. DNA testing is underway to see the genetic makeup of the bear. The Zoo's only Zoo Keeper, Rope Givens declined to comment.

Economy aims for mother nature

Area scientists blame loss of magnetism on poor sales, concern spreading that oxygen is next.

Local Hero's Statue to be Erected for Arbor Day Celebration

Environmentalist group still undecided if they will attend celebration or protest.

Insane Asylum Slashes Budget for 2010

Patients Approve; Cover Faces in Mashed Potatoes